Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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