I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
