So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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