Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
