she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Holy sore nipples Batman
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
