Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
