He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
