capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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