So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
