office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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