I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
