Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
