The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
