i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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