I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
