I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
