dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
