Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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