there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
