did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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