He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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