That's when you crack a 10am beer
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
