Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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