What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
