I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
