It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
this just has baby written all over it
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
