I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
