i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
