he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
