That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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