Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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