So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
