she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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