I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
