My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
