i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
