In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
