just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
