Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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