words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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