I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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