shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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