I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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