Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
