I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
