Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
