I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
