I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
