my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
