Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
