its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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