were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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