Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
